Flying colors. Personally.
It is 8/2/13 today. One year and one month to the day since i made the jump. People have their own opinions, and so do i. For the longest time as i suffered i tried everything else i could. Yet i was always Afraid to give the methadone a try, for feR of alternate dependency. Or just pure substitution. I thought to myself, "what is the point of placing myself on another substance, of equal strength and dependence rate to get off the one I'm already fighting to be rid of. I wont feel better, I'll just feel different and be addicted to something different."
Uneducated opinion!! Thats all that was.
I could not have been more wrong, about the process and effects. As well as the state of physical relief and mental and emotional stability that comes along with it. I may in fact still at this point be "addicted" to a clinical and or opiate based pain killer. Yet i am not living like an addict. I sleep regularly, which i have not been able to do since i was 8. I am 26.i eat regularly, which i have not been able to since i was injured. My life style has changed in great strides, and i live my life a cleaner better way now. I have tome for the important things, as well as the money and motivation to complete MOST of them. (Nobody's perfect shit) haha.
And last but certainly not least where once i was afraid, and running weak in all forms of the word. I am strong. I am rested. I am prepared and learned in the areas in which i was indeed i need of knowledge*. I am ready.
Today i began a formal taper. 5 mg a week off my dose of 115 ml. I droppedlpp the first 5 today and feel just fine so far. I believe if i set a stable pace i figure about this time next year i can look forward to being completely opiate free, substance free and if i can do it without beheading my family lol, nicotine free as well.
I have faith,i have courage. I have two beautiful girls, a beautiful dog and. Roof over my head. I might be broke, but i am richer than i have ever been. I am richer than anyone with happiness and motivation. The world is there, I've only finally learned how to reach out and take the parts i NEED AND Want to better my life. And drop, and leave behind all the ones that dont.
So to the methadone, i thank you, for giving me the tools and weapons needed to fi my broken life.
I am happy today, and moving forward.
Zachary s. wasteaway 08:02:2013. 11:00 am